Julieanne Case From the Heart

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What is Worthiness?

| 37 Comments

There are many definitions but most of them have to do with doing or having.  What about just being?  What if we are worthy simply because we exist?

If one believes that we are intrinsically not worthy, what would each of us have to do to become worthy?  Could we truly come up with something that we would accept as the ultimate arbiter of determining our worthiness?  And since we working with the unworthy mindset, would the unworthy mindset be capable of seeing what we did, said, accomplished or acquired as being the item that transcends us into worthiness?  Or would we judge what occurred as still not worthy enough of being worthy?  And if we do somehow become worthy in this act, what does that say for the rest of humanity?  It’s a no win situation.

So what prompts so many people to believe that worthiness is only given to a select few? There is nothing wrong with feeling worth. The problem lies in not realizing that you ARE worthy. You need to consider yourself worthy in EVERY fashion possible and never accept anything less than what you deserve.  We are worthy from the mere fact that we were born, from our first breathe, we are worthy.

Until we accept our own worthiness, we will not be able to attract into our lives all that we deserve.  This applies to happiness, joy, love, finances, health, well-being. Every aspect of our lives are affected.  You can read all the self-help books on self esteem you want but until you get that you are worthy, it may not stick.

To accept the concept that we are worthy, one big thing we can do is let go of judgments.  We look at each other and we decide whether we think someone is worthy of what they have or don’t have.  And when we do that, we don’t see that we are judging ourselves as well.  Because we can’t recognize in another what we ourselves don’t own in some way. That makes it hard to accept, but if we want growth, and if we want our life to change, we have to look within and recognize what we do or think or feel that doesn’t serve us.

Begin telling yourself you are worthy. There is nothing you need to prove, do or say.  You are worthy.  I am worthy.  Give yourself that validation.  When you do, you own it then and it’s yours forever.

I found a wonderful Oscar Wilde quote: “Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.”  One of those is your intrinsic worthiness.

All children all worthy

My great niece, Sammy

Ponder this. What is the worth of a child? If a child is worthy when he/she  is born, when does the child lose worth and who determines that?

So what belief stops you from believing you are not worthy?

 

  • http://www.LaurieHurleyOnline.com Laurie Hurley

    Worthiness is a constant source of stress for my youngest daughter. Her worth, right after she was born and dumped in an orphanage, was taken from her at sixteen days old. Not until we adopted her five years later, did she have any idea that she is worthy of a good life. Her repeated attempts to sabotage anything remotely close to goodness is depressing. She is worth more than I can ever communicate to her; she is a survivor and fighter in her own right. She gets up every day and faces the world, despite the horrific atrocities that happened to her when she was but a toddler. Some days are better than others with her, but I pray that one day it will dawn on her that she IS, so she is worthy.

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Laurie, You brought tears to my eyes when I read your comment. It pains me when I hear of someone feeling unworthy of so much. I know what that feels like and it’s hard to explain to someone. The belief is buried so deep inside that you are just not worthy of love. I’m grateful to no longer feel that way and I wish it for her with all my heart.

  • http://www.deansautomotive.com Donna McCord

    Self worth is a realization that I believe only comes when we are able to look at ourselves through the eyes of love and forgiveness — through God’s eyes! But first we have to know who He really is as our Creator and Father and how His love is unconditional and eternal and unchanging. Something I am still learning and struggling with! This is such a foundational truth that you are sharing here, that self worth is not something with a price tag or something we earn, but it is so difficult for so many of us to grasp. Especially, as Laurie described about her adopted daughter, if we have learned to be ashamed of ourselves. That is why I am so passionate about seeking God and finding true healing and value through a relationship with Him, and I pray that for everyone!

  • http://www.mollyperry.com Molly Perry

    Your comment about the worthiness of a child vs. an adult really stuck out to me. I think as the years go we spend too much time looking at what we did/do wrong, rather than just being carefree–like a child. My daughter, who is adopted, also struggles with worthiness because she was “gotten rid of”. It is so hard to see, but yet understandable.

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Molly, I’m sure you tell her that she is even more lovable because she was chosen by you. It’s amazingly powerful what our minds do with the fact that the birth mother did this or that to us and therefore that proves our unworthiness. Where does that belief come from? It’s hidden in so many subliminal messages we get from TV, schools, friends, churches, books, countless sources. What we all must learn to do is question the mind about all our thoughts. A simple process. Question the truth of that thought. Byron Katie has a wonderful method that shows everyone how to do that so that all suffering stops, she calls it The Work.

  • http://www.thereflectivewriter.com/blog/ Judy Stone-Goldman

    Earlier in my life I struggled a good deal with feeling not worthy. It is a hard burden to experience that as a young person and find a way to a sense of inherent value. I feel so sad for children who do not learn (early and often!) of their worthiness, and can only hope they find their way to an adult who can patiently tell them, over and over in innumerable ways, that they are loved and worthy without having to perform or achieve.

    Lovely topic.

    Judy Stone-Goldman
    The Reflective Writer
    http://www.thereflectivewriter.com/blog/
    “My cat owns me, my clutter stymies me, my writing frees me.
    Word maven loves–and learns from–ordinarily life.”

  • http://www.fierceover50.com Julie Labes

    I grew up with very loving parents who never made me feel unworthy.Then I was told at age 15 (by a teacher ) that i wasn’t very smart and I would be better of leaving school and getting a job and then when I turned 16 (due to a thyroid problem that went undetected) i gained a lot of weight. After these two events, I did start to feel unworthy. I had no confidence, could not hold a job and was very unhappy for a while.

    Luckily, I was able to overcome these issues by going back to school as an adult, getting the degree I wanted and eventually losing the weight. I know for some though they struggle with it for much longer than I had to. For me it was the support of my friends and family that helped me so we need to do the same for anyone we meet who might be going through the same thing.

    Julie Labes,…The Fierce over 50 feels much younger point and click junkie loves to travel does not use a jogging stroller and before you ask this is NOT my granddaughter..Woman

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Thanks for sharing your story. I think if more of us do, it will help those who are too afraid to say “Hey, that’s me, too!” I know many of us, if not all of us, have dealt with this issue. For some, like me, it started very young with a parent. You grow up watching sitcoms where the mother and father are perfect and they love the kids. You see other families and you don’t see the inside except for your own. The comparisons begin and you fall so far short. So how do we get our culture, our society to let go of judging and the comparisons? Even to this day, I find myself correcting my thinking when I find myself comparing myself or what I do with what others are or do. It’s a constant vigilance to maintain my internal validation process. It is just as important to not judge others. But I want happiness, joy and love far too much to go backwards. And I’m finding it gets easier and easier because I have created a habit and continue to do it. I learned an easy technique recently that I use when a thought comes up about a judgment about another. I just say to myself “What an interesting point of view you have about…” That seems to take all the power from the thought. Obviously I could go on forever on this subject.

  • http://www.knowyourbodybetter.com Dr. Dorothy Ponton

    Julieanne, thanks for these wonderful questions for self inquiry. Wouldn’t this be wonderful to practice with all children?
    My earliest memory of feeling unworthy came at Disneyland, of all places. While I was eating with my mother and brother, a Disney tour guide sat down to his lunch at the next table. He asked my brother and I what our favorite parts of the day had been so far, and my response was, “Meeting Cinderella!” and then, “I want to work at Disneyland and be Cinderella when I grow up!”
    He somberly told me that it wouldn’t be possible, that I couldn’t get a job as Cinderella because I didn’t have and apple pie face. I turned to ask my mother what an “apple pie face” was, and she replied, “Ignore him, he doesn’t know what he is talking about.”
    Well, that didn’t alleviate my anxiety about my face in the least, because he was an official employee of Disney. So I asked him directly (had not yet learned Mom Knows Best). He told me, without hesitation, that I had too many freckles.
    That started a long trend of hating what I saw in the mirror, especially when the summer sun made my freckles so numerous that three at a time would grow into a Mickey Mouse shape, cruelly mocking my fragile pre-teen ego.
    I can laugh about that now, but wasn’t until long after that Disney trip that I made the connection between the mottled pattern on my calico cat and my own freckles. I realized that it just didn’t matter whether or not I had spots, stripes, or plaid: my skin was just the covering of my body and nothing more. There then followed my very first insight that seeking someone else’s opinion of my worth was a losing proposition.

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      What a wonderful insight and how great it happened on your own and early on! You got your validation from within! Wonderful. Thanks for sharing!

  • http://www.MeredithJacobonline.com Meredith Jacob

    Worthiness is not something I have thought very much about, but it is obvious I should. When I tell myself I can be successful just like so many others, it really is about being worthy of success. Do I truly believe that I am worthy of success? I want to believe that, but for some reason I’m not 100% sure that I do. This Blogger Monday exercise is proving to be much more thought provoking than I ever thought it would be.

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      So the question to ask yourself is “Who is telling you that you don’t deserve success?”
      And also ask Why don’t you deserve it? There is no good reason for not deserving success. No thing! You can have what you want. It’s all our own beliefs that stop us from everything. You can be successful. Just choose to be.

  • http://www.alaracastell.com Alara Castell

    Today I feel worthy, this year I feel worthy, previous years I had my ups and downs of feeling worthy. It all stems from when I was a child. I’m not an exact match for my parents based on Brandy Mychals 6 Character Code System (which by the way totally changed my life). I was not complimented a lot as a child, I wasn’t bragged about as a child…just didn’t feel that enthusiasm from my parents about my adventures so I didn’t feel worthy of greatness.

    When I first started working I always surpassed expectations from my managers and got promoted very quickly in all that I did, but when I became an entrepreneur there was not that same quick progression and that’s when the feeling of unworthiness hit me. Am I really worth it? Do I deserve to be successful as an entrepreneur? Can I do this? All sorts of things came up, but what I realize today I needed to go through that so I can be the coach that I am today.

    It was a necessary journey and today I am happy to say I know I am worthy and I know the value I bring into this world. Love this post and thank you.

    xoxo

    Alara K. Castell
    Your Sassy Spiritual Guide

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Thank you for sharing!

  • http://www.PatZahn.com Pat Zahn

    This is just not an issue for me Julieanne. For what ever reason I have almost always felt worthy (there are of course times when doubt creeps in, but it is fleeting for me.) When I hear the “language of unworthiness” coming from others it literally gives me a pain in my heart. If I know someone well and she/he says something self-deprecating I call her/him on it. Sometimes people don’t even realize the bad self-talk they’ve developed.

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      I agree on the self-talk but that is learned from our parents, teachers, clergy and society in general. Just Dr. Dorothy Ponton shared hearing she wasn’t good enough to be Cinderella from a total stranger. We are all taught to judge others. To judge you have to compare and if you compare, someone loses. So I believe we need to teach loving everyone as they are. Sometimes that’s hard and if you can’t love them, then just accept them as they are, leaving the judgment out.

  • http://www.bestsellerinaweekend.com Alicia Dunams

    Can worthiness be seen as entitlement or ego-driven? Would love your thoughts.

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Alicia, I definitely do not think it is ego-driven. In fact, the people with the biggest egos have the lowest self-esteem or self-worth, hence the big ego and bravado to hide it. I believe that people with an intact sense of self-worth can get to a state of being egoless. If one truly recognizes their own self worth, then they will also begin to see the self worth in others, even the homeless man or woman has self worth. If we all can accept each other’s self worth, then we would be more respectful to ourselves and others. Entitlement? Maybe it is an entitlement but in some ways, i object to that word. Yes, I do believe we all have self worth just because we exist. If we all felt that way, what do you think would happen to those that who are hungry, homeless or have any other social ill. If we all lived from our hearts more instead of our judging minds, what could the results be? Yes, I sound like a Pollyanna here. I don’t have all the answers. I started with me and changing my belief about my self worth. And in so doing, I hope it helps others and there changing helps even more and on and on. I do believe a lot of the darkness we have in this world is do to the lack of love and no one can accept love or give it until they learn to love themselves and that requires the belief in self-worth.
      And I know that last statement very well because I lived it.

  • http://ritabrennanfreay.com Rita Brennan Freay

    I am sure I have waivered in and out over time with this….not so much now but in the past…having a father not around…had an affect…and as someone else says it can always creep in. Knowing others are judging you affects you….and them! I am worried how this self worth is/will affect my adopted kids….and how I can best help them to know they were chosen, or given to us…and we couldn’t be happier! If you have any ideas or advice for me I’d greatly appreciate it!!! Look forward to connecting:) Loved your thought provoking post and its comments!!! Thanks for sharing.

    Rita Brennan Freay
    @Rita4kids
    ritabrennanfreay.com

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Hi, Rita, Yes, I understand the effects of not having a father around. I would love to connect with you and share some ideas. Thanks for your heart sharing post.

  • http://brandymychals.com Brandy Mychals

    This is something I speak about all the time – we all have inherent value and it doesn’t have to be earned or proven. We can always show up as a shinier version of ourselves and work for a higher good – but that relates to what we do, our purpose and our passion. Our worth is already established :-) I also find it interesting that when someone really knows their worth, they are actually capable of “doing” so much more…not the other way around.
    Brandy

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Yes, I can see that when you are aware of your own self worth, you want to do what you are passionate for and in many cases, it adds value to the world. You do more out of love. Self worth is not enhanced by it. It is the foundation for what you do.

  • http://www.yvonneelmhall.wordpress.com Yvonne Hall

    I of course see lack of feeling worthy in my loved ones long before I look at it in myself. But I do think I grew up self-confidant as a child — my husband was not. And he struggles with this question often in his work as a freelancer since his livelihood can be on the line daily. A lot of pressure for anyone … but even more for one ho struggles with the worth question. We both strive to make sure our two young kids know their ARE worthy … but we still have many years to go.
    Great thought provoking post;)
    Yvonne Hall
    http://www.yvonneelmhall.wordpress.com

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Thank you, Yvonne. In my relationship, it’s the reverse. My husband had this close to idyllic family and mine? He never could get my family. LOL! Neither could I! But I do believe we learn a great deal from adversity and I believe I did that. And since you can’t change the facts, you must accept what is or you go crazy. I feel like the biggest thing people must realize is that they must allow others to have their opinions about you. And those opinions are based on their own set of beliefs and facts and have absolutely nothing to do with you. The only opinion that matters about yourself is your own opinion. Easy to do? Sometimes but it’s worth working at knowing that only your opinion about yourself counts. The rest is either rain on your parade or flower petals on a sunny day showering you with love. Dance in the rain to your own music and accept the blessings of the flower petals when they fall around you if it pleases you.

  • http://louiseedington.com Louise Edington

    I felt very unworthy for most of my life. I was never a good fit in my family and they would laugh at my dreams and tell me I was ‘silly’ – so I stopped talking about them and then stopped dreaming. I now know that I AM worthy but the distance from my family helps with that. I try very hard to instill worthiness into my two beautiful daughters and try to encourage their dreams and encourage them to express their feelings.
    Louise Edington
    Fabulous and Fearless
    http://louiseedington.com

  • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

    I understand and it is wonderful that you encourage and promote it with your daughters. Thanks for sharing.

  • http://www.wealthwithgoodhealth.com Verria Kelly

    When you’re a child, your self worth stems predominately from your interaction with your parents. As you grow older, it becomes more inherent and doesn’t have to be earned or proven. It’s a hard switch for most if they didn’t get the basic foundation growing up.

  • http://MagnoliaJazz.com/blog Robbie Schlosser

    Hi Julieanne,
    Thanks for this thoughtful post! It’s so illuminating to read your description, everyone’s comments, and your responses. I’ve re-read everything several times, and I think of four things. First, I keep returning to the familiar phrase, “endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights… “. Second, in the show “South Pacific” there’s a song describing that we have to “be carefully taught” to become judgmental and to hate. Third, back in the 1960s a humorist named Tom Lehrer wrote a satirical song about National Brotherhood Week. Onstage, he’d introduce the song, saying some people don’t like National Brotherhood Week, and “I hate people like that!” Finally, from an early age, I learned to be competitive and judge people. Watching “Jeopardy” makes me VERY uncomfortable. It’s been a life-long struggle to shed the blinders and accept that, as good people, we have nothing to prove.
    Robbie

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Robbie, I’m touched by your care in reading this and what you wrote. I have been so touched at the responses I’ve received. This is an important topic on so many levels. I had forgotten about the song from South Pacific but as soon as I read your comment, I remembered it fully. it’s still so relevant. Yes, we are carefully taught to be judgmental and to hate anyone who is different. That applies not just to race but to abilities, mental capacity, looks, the list goes on. We need to be taught to accept the differences and maybe even honor or applaud the differences. I may have to look up that song by Tom Lehrer. I never heard it. And yes, we have nothing to prove. Let’s carefully reteach ourselves and take the refresher course as needed! Thank you for your thoughtful comment and for sharing.

  • http://emotionalrelease.com Barbara Hyman

    As part of my work, I’ve observed and been a participant in numerous Empowerment Workshops with James Hyman, founder of Deep Emotional Release Bodywork. Worthiness or the feeling the lack of it is a common, universal theme. We all feel this to some degree, and maybe on some level it has to do with our relationship with God. My spiritual practice is to meditate, and feel the part of me inside that is God. When I connect with this energy, there is no part of me that can feel unworthy. The same with my 11 year old daughter who also struggles with this issue, due to her particular sensitivities and her interactions with the ways of the world. I think that try as we might, we cannot protect our children from this universal human emotional experience. But, we can look to heal ourselves from this disempowering belief by reading articles like this one, going to personal growth seminars, and seeking support from the right friends and loved ones.

    http://bodyminddetoxretreat.com

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Hi, Barbara, Yes, I agree with you on the worthiness struggle. I do believe that for some of us it is part of our journey, our own spiritual quest. However, I think that struggle can be lessened if all children are made aware of the fact that it is a common universal struggle and those feelings are normal. In addition, they can be given tools, like meditation or the ability to question their thoughts to release the limiting beliefs. If kids watch television or movies or worse, the commercials, there are tons of subliminal messages that unless we do this or that, we’re not good or the best. This is especially true for women in regards to our bodily functions. We are constantly being told that we shouldn’t smell this way or have to go through our monthly cycle and should get this product to deal with it only once a year. What message does that give the young women? That’s another subject maybe. Thank you for sharing.

  • http://www.evolvingjourneyastrology.com Maridel Bowes

    I wasn’t commenting this week, Julieanne, but was drawn to read your blog as worthiness is such a core issue in all our lives. I was raised to believe that I was only worthy because of an external God and not on my own merit. Gradually, the limitation of this way of looking at worthiness dawned on me. Now, many years later, I know in my soul that we are all worthy just because we are…and there is nothing we can do to add to that worthiness–only the celebration of trusting and living it!
    Thanks for this pertinent post and its wonderfully evocative questions. By the responses above, it has obviously struck a chord.

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      Thank you so much, Maridel. I have been so touched by the posts. It came up for me a week before and I don’t know what triggered it. I spouted off on Facebook and a friend thought I was in pain. I wasn’t but a few days later I just sat down and this came out. How wonderful for you that you found it as you did! That is awesome. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate that.

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    motorna olja bmw
    Thanks for your input and I will use it for my work research that I am doing for this website.

    • http://www.thereconnectivehighway.com Julieanne Case

      What is the website that you are doing? I’d love to see it when you are done. You are welcome to use what I have written if you will attribute it to me as the source. Thank you.

  • Pamelapetersen65

    I enjoyed reading this.  Your writing skills are great as I found myself reading through enjoying what I was reading.  I know today that I am worthy.  I am valuable.  I’m a beautiful creature God has created to give himself pleasure and for me to have pleasure.  Because of my relationship I have w/ Him now, it has improved my lifes pleasures emensly knowing I’m here to love and to be loved. 

    • http://julieannecasefromtheheart.com Julieanne Case

      Yes, you are valuable and a beautiful being. I was reading something recently that said we think everything in this world is perfect, trees, ocean, sky but not humans.  We are so quick to judge ourselves and see less than perfection. Yet we are all perfection. 

      I’m thrilled that you like reading this. Thank you for commenting! May joy invade your heart and your mind and may your life be full of laughter.

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